Submit or Surpass
Posted by: inwardsun on: February 9, 2010
Since a few years, in between travels and studies, I have worked in a local supermarket, just south of Stockholm City. Five of those years, split in five different times in my life I have been managing the fruit and vegetable section. It is weird, but I have quit and come back to this job so many times I’ve lost count.
Had someone told me last March I would be going back to the old job I would have laughed. But he who laughs last…I did go back and it was my choice not to apply for any other jobs. In fact, going back to the familiar place with the familiar faces was the kind of stability I needed. Since I didn’t have anywhere to live (you know that story already if you’ve followed this blog) my workplace became my home. I even kept my suitcase there for a while.
Maybe even now, it is the most stable thing in my (way of) life. Of course, would all things fall apart around me, I could go back to my mom and get a job in the home town, but I am not a kid anymore and I know that settling is not something you can fake.
So I stay here for now and I look at it from a practical point of view. This might be the last time I have the chance to save money, really save money with no obligations to anyone but myself. And this might be the last time I have the chance to work out, really work out and prepare myself physically for those mountain climbs I dream of.
And I am happy and I smile everyday at work, for reasons I will tell you more of in another post.
I love this job and I know it might not resonate to some, since I probably should be on some kind of career path right now? But what is a career?
If a career are the collected steps on the path towards success than you might want to ask yourself what success means? To you and you only.
If we strive so hard to make it to the goal then we should at least be clear about what we want to feel and be once we have arrived. Or will we ever arrive, anywhere else than where we already are?
Many have already pondered this subject so I won’t go deeper into it now, but these are questions that I ask myself while I form the type of life that I want to live. When I let things in that are beneficial to my wellbeing and when I keep things at distance that do not serve my best intension.
I love my job because it surprises me.
It puts narrow-mindedness at an angle where I can choose to submit or surpass.
It is an ordinary job with ordinary people and ordinary tasks. And that my dear friends are life at the first page of an endless book.
Life is what happens…
Posted by: inwardsun on: February 9, 2010
…while you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon said that and it is one of my favourite quotes. Yes, and everyday, life happens while I drag myself out of bed and walk to work in the very early morning, seeing my breath appear in front of me while I pull the scarf just a little tighter to my chin.
I pass the entrance with my key card and walk to the dressing room to change into my work clothes. There, I usually meet my colleges. We’ll greet each other but won’t talk much before we’ve all had our coffees. After that it’s full steam for ten hours.
Most of us have worked there for years and some have more than 30 years of experience from working in retail. Generally a good thing although me and one of the elder men often jokes about it. I’ll tell him how and where I want things and he’ll go: Well, we’ve only had it the other way for 45 years to which I answer: Exactly!
I have my best friend Bibbi there that I can joke around with, leaving her little notes in unexpected places or reaching out to give her a hug when the day feels long. The atmosphere is really good and the customers often comment on how great fun we all seem to have.
There is John, the Scotsman, who shares his stories from when he was a kid in Malaysia or worked at a kibbutz in Israel. The other day he said to me: Damn you if you’re still here two years from now, Helen!
I won’t be.
But right now, it fits (and well, who can know what will fit in the future?)
Life continues to happen while I order and fill up fruit, chat to my regulars, following up on last night’s veggie lasagne or discussing organic food matters.
Although my goal is still undecided and all doors still kept open, I put money aside every month and know that by fall I will be moving elsewhere.
But it’s still just plans.
At home, alright
Posted by: inwardsun on: February 8, 2010
Believe it or not, but I have moved again. This time, Micke came and picked me and my bags up so I didn’t have to take turns on the subway.
It wasn’t hard this time.
It was alright.
I enjoyed living in Jesper’s flat and I used my time there well, soaking up the cozy atmosphere of both the flat and its surroundings. With crawling distance from the bars it was the perfect party spot but since I lived there during the two quietest months of the year, I mostly spent my evenings in a candle lit living room with a glass of wine. The gym was just around the corner which suited my last minute character and I often went in for a quick exercise at 9 pm, and seldom fell asleep before midnight, although I was out the door at 5.30 the next day.
I had a few really good weekends with friends and family that came to stay. Everyone complemented Jeppe on the African décor but agreed that the apartment was quite dark with only one window to let light in. And I did miss the four bedroom apartment in which I had stayed in November.
So when it was time for me to move back with the brothers, Micke and Tomas, I felt excited and happy. In fact, I had forgotten how pretty the view is from this forth floor apartment. There is breathing space here, and especially with the frosty weather that seems here to stay. It’s been such a wonderful winter. On the pond below, children are ice skating and the local city slope, Hammarbybacken, is full of snowboarders and skiers. Myself and Lito went for a few hours’ round the other after noon and although it wasn’t the best quality of a ride we had a great time.
I feel alright.
Tomas came home from Thailand today and when I got home from work, he and some friends were making pancakes with ice cream and jam. He goes to Finland to work for a few weeks so again it’s just me and Micke. But even Micke will leave soon for a holiday in the Philippines. I’ll have the whole place to myself.
I feel, it will be alright.
#16. David Gray – White Ladder
Posted by: inwardsun on: February 7, 2010
Artist: David Gray
Album: White Ladder
Released: March 2000
Web: David Gray’s Official Website
Favourite Tracks: Please Forgive Me, This Years Love, Sail Away, Say Hello Wave Goodbye
David Gray’s forte is his profound voice and ability to produce stainless songs but I still don’t believe that he has made the perfect album. I will choose “White Ladder” because it is by which I discovered his music and it includes some of modern time’s best piano ballads, soaked in perfect blue light resonance.
David Gray has developed a sound that is so perfectly predictable you know what you’re gonna get: perfection. And so was his show last Sunday, at Circus in Stockholm; pleasing, beautiful and musically brilliant.
In case you were wondering…
Posted by: inwardsun on: February 4, 2010
…why I haven’t written so much lately, there are a few reasons.
One is that my laptop has caved in after five years of good service. I’ve bought a new one that should arrive any day and that will allow me to stay connected more than ten minutes before the power cuts.
Another, is that I have moved back to the boys in Liljeholmen and I’ve been enjoying the company of others, cooking, chattin’ and chillin’.
And probably, because of a need for perspective I have found it easier to just stick to my music posts instead of reflecting on life’s little wonders.
But I have a feeling what’s been adding up in my cup will start to pour soon and I’ll flow into writing rivers again.
Until then, thank you all for peeking in! Don’t be shy to leave your mark.
Love and Light.
Moon butterflies
Posted by: inwardsun on: February 2, 2010
- In: The Poetry
- 5 Comments
your eyelashes gatekeeper
dwelling soil for water
on the fairest
of a haunted
African continent
now i know, you are
in the world
#15. Jenn Grant – Orchestra for the moon
Posted by: inwardsun on: January 31, 2010
Artist: Jenn Grant
Album: Orchestra for the moon
Released: 2006
Web: Jenn Grant’s Official Website
Favourite Tracks: Morning Break, Dreamer, Dancin’ in the Wind, Unique New York, Make It Home Tonight, In a Brown House, Don’t Worry Baby, Britt n’ Kipp, At the Finish Line
Continuing on the talents of Canada, Jenn Grant is a gem that I discovered through a recommendation from one of my closest buddies that comes from her home city of Halifax, Nova Scotia. Jenn graduated in Art and paints her own album covers. Her lyrics are often very illustrative and poetic, like the second song on this album, “Dreamer”:
And with a faint taste of cigarettes you write hallelujah songs.
Ain’t it wonderful feeling alright
So I tickle up your backbone.
And at the break of day you sink into dream, you dreamer
On a date by a chocolate lake
Down by the rotary
Past town at the edge
Looking down at butterflies
And at the break of day you sink into dream, you dreamer
#14. Neil Young – Unplugged
Posted by: inwardsun on: January 30, 2010
Artist: Neil Young
Album: Unplugged
Released: 1993
Web: Neil Young’s Official Website
Favourite Tracks: The Old Laughing Lady, World on a String, Pocahontas, Stringman, Like a Hurricane, The Needle and the Damage Done, Helpless, Harvest Moon, Look Out for My Love, Long May You Run
Although this album lacks some of Neil Young’s best hits, it makes up by squeezing all the juice out of the songs presented, some of all times best tracks. And of course, I am an “unplugged” fan.
#13. Feist – The Reminder
Posted by: inwardsun on: January 30, 2010
Artist: Feist
Album: The Reminder
Released: 2007
Favourite Tracks: So Sorry, My Moon My Man, The Park, Sea Lion Woman, Past In Present, The Limit To Your Love, One Two Three Four, Brandy Alexander, Intuition, Honey Honey, How My Heart Behaves
Leslie Feist knows how to use the instrument of a voice she was given and she plays on all its strings. Listen to this album on a train ride while raindrops are wavering down the outside window, or when you’re crawled up in a couch with your favourite drink. Either way, this is music for cold-outside-moments.
#12. FF – Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Posted by: inwardsun on: January 27, 2010
Artist: Foo Fighters
Album: Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Released: 2007
Web: Foo Fighters Official Website
Favourite Tracks: The Pretender, Let It Die, Long Road To Ruin, Come Alive, Stranger Things Have Happened, Ballad Of The Beaconsfield Miners, But Honestly, Home
Not much to say here. Just GREATNESS all around.
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