Archive for October 2008
my shoreline, I am moving towards you
writing the waves of this letter, of my love
reaching out for you
lost in the haze
I feel my heart, and there you are
I am found, though you are far
the journey persists, it knows nothing else
but to carry this heart of belongings
grant my endeavor, at last
we will cause to flow
faithfully, I pour the past
for better or worse
in the morning, all ships onwards
- Lotta gave me “Celestine Prophesy” that she borrowed from Chris.
- I lent “Att komma hem ska vara en schlager” to Maria.
- Lotta is reading “Under a thousand splendid suns” that Ursula lent me.
- Sophie is reading “Soulmates” that was Sara’s.
- Lorena is reading an Italian book I lent her, which I borrowed from Christer.
- I borrowed “Veronica decides to die” from Chris but gave it to Lorena to read.
- She read it and lent it to Sara.
- I have Sara’s “Stieg Larsson”.
- I gave Chris a book about Dalai Lama.
- Chris gave me, Lorena and Maria “The Everyday Activist”.
- I should show Chris, Tess and Andrew the new book I got “Earth Matters”.
- I’ve read 7 books in 7 months.
- I will have a hard time getting all these books home.
I googled my blog (as if you haven’t googled yourself?) and found a site that had taken random words from my blog and put them together.
I think it’s pretty cool. It’s a sum of the words I say, I guess.
And as Justin Nozuka ends his song “If I gave you my life”:
Don’t listen to the words you’ve heard. Listen to the words you say.
absolute actually advance already always anything arises asleep attraction because begin better breath causes change colour coming content continue daisies darling decide delicious eatable english every everything favourite feeling feels flipping gather grass growing guitars happened heartbreaking hours hundreds imagine infinite killing knives laces laugh letters listen little looking major maybe moment mountain music myself nature never nothing other paper people person picking pictures places plans position quite reading reality reasons rocking rolling routine ryggskott search shifts shops simply since skies smile smiling something soon spend stores strolling surprise there things think thought today topic trouble truths waltzing which wondering world
I fell for this hourglass in an artshop the other day. The text really spoke to me:
“Don’t count every hour of the day, make every hour count”
Isn’t time the most mind wrecking thing? Think about all our perceptions of time. How one minute can be so long, but another hour so short? Or how 10 years can go by before you see an old friend and when you do, it feels as if time has stood still. Different times, in different times of the world. Times that are a changing. Good times. Bad times. 24 hour open stores, still we never seem to have enough time. 13 billion years since the Big Bang. 20 minutes since I started writing this blog post. How our bodies grow old. Life cycles. How our memory allows us to go back in time, or even into the future (called dreams). The rotation of the sun that gives us day and night. Time as a relating actuality to experience the moment. Ongoing, never ending, always remaining. In our minds.
“If I could I would and if I should, I will. Time will be our friend in the end and all our hopes and dreams will come true”. JC
I don’t need to know
I don’t need nothing
on my face
everything is already mine
I’d like to continue on the topic law of attraction because this is one of the major truths and causes of our reality. Of our world today. There is so much into this, we can’t even begin to imagine.
Have you ever thought about why it is that when you try to go on a diet, you find yourself munching down a whole pack of cookies?
Or when you have decided not to call a certain person again, that person is all you can think about?
What you resist, persists
That is, what you pay attention to is what exists in your life as you experience it. Nothing exists in your reality before you verify it with your thoughts. Your endorsement. Some things you simply take for granted and don’t pay much attention to at all. Some things you feel as if you have discovered, although, it has obviously been there all along. Your thoughts were just elsewhere. The greater thought you put into something, the more attention, the more the object or issue exists.
When you try to resist temptation, you create the temptation.
Our objects of desire may vary, but they all derive from the same state. A state of lack. Your whole mind is screaming that you do not have this certain object. Which automatically creates a reaction of wanting. It becomes your desire and you are wondering what it would be like to have it. Suddenly a lot of attention has gone into this matter. If it is something you want really bad you might even pray for it. Now I don’t know what your personal beliefs are, but a fact is that praying is just assembled energy focused on a certain matter. The truth is, you will not have that for which you ask, because your very request is a statement of lack.
By saying that you want something, you will produce that precise experience – wanting – in your reality.
Are you following me? You are saying to yourself that you do not have a certain thing. So you don’t.
Back to temptation and the cookies. Try this next time:
- Look at the cookie. Really, look at it. Accept it. It is a cookie.
- Allow your thoughts of cookies to run through you but keep objective. Observe your thoughts and see how their functions are starting to manifest into feelings…desire, taste…
- Understand that you can choose to resist the cookie…and thereby want it more (where attention goes, energy flows!)
- Or you can detach from your thoughts. See the cookie on one side, your thoughts of it on the other and your choice in between.
- The temptation is in your head! It is the link.
- Now. Detach from you thoughts. Put everything aside. It is JUST a cookie. An object.
- You can choose to have it. Or can choose to let it be.
Be satisfied knowing the choice is yours.
I am a no routine kind of person. Maybe that is my routine. To never decide anything in advance. Always act out of free will when the moment arises. Surprise myself.
I don’t like plans. People, for some reasons, think I do. But I don’t. I like the creative phase of arrangement and I must admit, I love the esthetic part of writing it down or presenting it as a project. Looking at plans. But not following them.
When it comes to me I want to wake up when my eyes decides to open. I want to stay in bed or put on my jogging shoes, depending on the energy level. I want to have a large breakfast or I want to fix a quick smoothie. Always, one thing at a time and always, ready to change direction.
This does sometimes complicate things for the close people around me. When I studied in Båstad, and me and my room mate Lina, had finished for the day and got on our bikes from school, she would often ask what my plan was for the evening. A simple question. But my reaction was to feel strained and edgy and I would mumble something about having no plans at all and not knowing anything (even if I did)
She could have asked if I was going to breathe and I would have said that I didn’t know.
Just not wanting to decide. Or feel as if someone was making the decision for me. A common result in relationships where one partner has a need for control. In many cases, I think one person always become the other one’s opposite. Think about it.
I have a great need for space. And for some reason, a need to come to my own decisions. Almost to a ridiculous degree.
Forgive me friends, if I act irrationally sometimes.
Are we becoming such people that in each and every moment of our lives, we need to search within and feel what we need and want? Can we never decide anything in advance? Can we not rely on each other anymore? What if I have decided something with someone, let’s say to rent a movie. But then when the time comes, I don’t feel like watching a movie. When is it ok to cancel? What commitments should we attend to?
I guess it depends on the agreement you have in your relationships with people. Outspoken or not. What expectations are there? Because when someone sits around and waits for and you don’t show up, keep in mind that they could have chosen a million other places to be at or people to spend time with, but they chose you.
I think you should recognize your own desires and your free will. But also, remember, that by choosing your own path, there will be those that will stroll along with you, and those, that will take another turn.
Remain in respect.
One of my absolute favourite places, since I was little, has been book shops. Actually, book shops and art stores. Anything with letters, paper and pens and I can spend hours looking, strolling, picking, flipping, reading, wondering.
Libraries are also a sacred place to me. It’s almost as if all the words and knowledge of the books murmur in the walls. Maybe it is because libraries are such quiet places, but you can almost hear the whispers of past poets and historians.
I had one of those days recently, when time was on my side. I had the whole morning to myself. Doing what I do best.
I found a little second hand book shop behind St George’s cathedral. I bought an inspiring book about a woman with MS Multiple Sclerosis. It’s called “Get out of my way. I’m dancing”. Like that, I knew I would love it.
I went to lie in the green grass of Company’s Garden to read. I had a delicious sandwich (of which I gave half to a home less person – that’s Cape Town right there) I made some marks in my book, on chapters or phrases that were particularly valuable to me. I felt the warmth of the morning sun in my face. I saw the signs of spring in the trees and people’s faces. And I thought about how great of a gift communication is.
When words, thoughts and feelings blend together with all the beauty around, the message is unmistakable.
I always have a few books on the roll at the same time. That way I can choose the right book for the state I’m in. Or maybe, I become the state of which the books I read…
At the moment, I can tell you. I am in deep…
nu kommer den
oövervinnerlig och vacker
vill jag så väl
men känslan fastnar i halsen
och allt jag kan
är att le
kanske, är det mitt bidrag
vilda, vidunderliga värld
virvlar i mitt snöslott
som är mitt liv
Friday night. My neighbour is vacuum cleaning.
The window is open. Spring is finally here! We are expecting 27 degrees tomorrow.
I am having a toasted sandwich with sliced fresh strawberries, rocket, brie cheese and balsamic vinegar. It is a match made in heaven.
It has been a long tiring week. Finally, a moment to catch up with myself.
Hello me. How am I doing? Wonderfully worn-out.
Dissolving the dazzle from last weekend.
It was amazing.
Rocking the Daisies is an eco-friendly music festival, held in Darling, at Cloof Wine Estate. The setting is absolutely beautiful. Protected by the mountains lies this green valley where daisies grow and music flourish, nurturing new and old friendships.
The weekend started super sweet with Chris and Lorena surprising me with a late birthday gift! It was a giant box with colourful ribbons, flowers and fresh lime. They had also written a lovely card. They wanted to wait until the Daises since the theme of the gift was music. There was my ticket + these really cool portable speakers + new headphones + a jar of candy hearts. I melted of appreciation and got even more excited about the weekend that lay ahead of us.
We packed up the car with our gum-boots, a (broken) tent and cooler boxes of beer and rolled out of town. We were lucky to arrive early to the location as the queue grew longer and longer behind us. At 22 o’clock the line of sound asleep cars reached three kilometres up the road. We heard people that had been waiting for three hours abandoned their cars and walked to the camping. By that time, me, Lorena and Chris had already been partying for 8 hours and the last performers for the night were playing at the main stage.
In time we reunited with our friends; Sara, Lotta, Paul and James and before the weekend was over we had all gotten our gum-boots muddy dancing to funky Balkan house, silly jive remixes and psychedelic trance until 5 o’clock in the mornings. The starry skies were mind blowing and the early spring air was fresh. We were exhausted but happy when we crawled up in the car for a few hours sleep. On the ride home, we watched the sun set over the hills of Darling, as we moved towards the city’s Table Mountain silhouette.
The artists performing at the festival were from South Africa or neighbouring countries. The main act was Eagle Eye Cherry. Ironically from Sweden. We were surprised by this choice of performer. Although, he is a cool singer he really hasn’t released anything exciting for 6-7 years. Me and Lorena actually went to the car to sleep for an hour when he played.
Some of the good stuff though:
Goldfish - South Africa’s coolest instrumental house
Alan Funk – My neighbour plays in this band. Afro-funky beats.
ETC Crew – Awesome Hip Hop performance!
340ml - From Mozambique, settled sexy jazzy lounge
Mama Know Nothing - I’ve seen these cool chicks many times. Also called Black Betty.
Hot Water – I love their African bongo-flute-jazzy-vibe
Tidal Waves – South African Reggae
Napalma – Africa meets Brazil
Farryl Purkiss – Durban’s most handsome singer songwriter. Just came back from an Oz tour with Jack Johnson, Ben Lee and Missy Higgins.