Posts Tagged ‘Love’
If I never see your face again
If I never find the words
That sifts jewels out of sand
Then that’s just how it goes
New constellations will form
Like lovers do
One day I will find the right words,
and they will be simple.
Jack Kerouac – The Dharma Bums
Someday every step we never took
will show where we stood
So Bright – Alfred Hall
Love me the most when I least deserve it because that’s when I really need it.
My friend at home calls me on a Sunday morning, crying.
Twenty minutes later I am in her kitchen.
She is feeling emotional and calls her boyfriend who is abroad but he doesn’t want to talk until he gets back, a month from now. She needs to stick it out.
Meanwhile a friend in Oslo is going through a depression. She tells her boyfriend she needs him to just be there. But he doesn’t understand how.
On my way to her place I happen to pass by a flower stand and decide to run in and buy her a bouquet.
She realizes her boyfriend has never brought her flowers.
In Switzerland my friend is sad, missing her boyfriend who is left in South Africa. She wants to talk, but the internet in Africa is slow and the connection is cut. Everything remains unspoken.
Speaking to my friend in Stockholm her story tears up my heart. She met a man four years ago and they were crazy in love and planning her move down to his home country, when her dad got sick and she had to stay in Sweden to take care of him.
As her dad got worse, her boyfriend stopped answering her messages and just disappeared. Four years later, he gets in touch and asks her to come visit him. She gets on a plane across the world and they spend three weeks together. When she gets back home he disappears again.
And she is alone with all her thoughts and feelings.
These are the stories we share, us women.
All this silent suffering caused by men,
we pour out and help each other carry.
We don’t always have the answers or know the right thing to say.
But we stay.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
But I choose to lie here in bed with a purring cat by my side. Just a little longer.
I’ve gotten sick again which makes it the forth case of tonsillitis in two months, and yet a reason why I really need to go home.
In all honesty, my time in Cape Town has had its ups and downs. Not only have I been sick a lot, I also got mugged off my favourite camera and my USB stick with six months travel photos, stayed in four different apartments and went bankrupt long ago. But because it was Malin’s first time in Cape Town I kind of ignored that. Which should keep me in debt for about a year.
On the upside I got to laugh with my best friends, enjoy these spectacular sights once more and meet someone that made me realize what I want – and what I don’t want.
I am ready to go home and get back in charge.
Of my health, my goals and ambitions.
Create some stability. Grow up.
See, I must have done something right in my previous life because everybody is always looking after me!
Right now, I feel unworthy of it all.
My mom tells me that there are wool scarfs and mittens waiting for me when I get home and if that isn’t enough she will keep me warm with hugs. My dad asked if I wanted to go skiing in the Rättvik slopes next weekend, because he just ‘wanted to spend time with me’
In Stockholm, Rättvik, Hudiksvall and Oslo people are waiting for me. Bibi said I could stay with her in Stockholm. Both Malin and Maria has offered me a room in Oslo until I find my own.
‘Up to you babe. No stress. I love you’ were Maria’s exact words.
Here in Cape Town, both Lorena and Tess opened up their hearts and homes to me.
I don’t know how to thank you enough. But I am dedicated to try.
See you on the strong side.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.”
The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.