When doves cry

It’s 3 in the morning but I can’t sleep.

I blame the fact that the full moon is in Scorpio and the icon Prince just passed on for my sudden emotional need for writer’s release.

It sure doesn’t feel justified with all the good things I have going.

My morning started off on a beautiful beach in south Bali, where a girlfriend and I had spent time in the sun, watched the slowly fading sunset and talked for hours the night before. A good escape out of Ubud.

But I had also missed an important conference call due to bad internet connection and I had so many tasks to catch up on, I couldn’t really relax.

Too many people were expecting things delivered and I felt like I was letting everyone down, including myself.

Once back in Ubud, I jumped on a scheduled Skype call with my business coach. Again, feelings like I should have achieved more and that I am not utilizing her expertise the way I should to get my money’s worth, crept up along with the long lists of things I need to do this following week.

My last week in Ubud.

This is the beginning of the end, and the middle at the same time.

And I am basically in three places at the same time.

One part of my mind is preparing for the new chapter in Sweden, where I need to:

Find a job.
Find a place to stay.
Find locations for women’s circles and retreats.
Set up a business, a tax account, insurance, a mobile number etc.
Attend a funeral, a 60th birthday celebration, two weddings and become an aunt.
Travel Bali-Dubai-Oslo-Stockholm-Rättvik-Gävle-Hudiksvall. In one week.
Crash in my old childhood room at my mom’s place.
Cry.

The other part is dealing with practical stuff of leaving Norway since almost 5 years:

Return to the same airport I left 6 months ago.
Visit my old workplace and colleagues.
See old friends. Reminisce on old love.
Move stuff from three places to one (still unknown where)
Close accounts.
Cry.

And a third is getting emotionally ready to wrap up these 6 months in Bali:

Pack up and say my goodbyes.
Return scooter. Donate clothes and shoes.
Eat lots of Ubud raw mint & goji berry chocolate.
Cry.

And did I tell you I am opening a business as a Coach to inspire people to pursue their dreams, to push outside their comfort zones, learn how to linger in the unknown, to keep going no matter when all you want to do is cry?

Especially when all you want to do is cry.

With that, I have said what had to be said, shed what need to be shed.

Thank you. Goodnight.